I must be aided, and by that hand: and aided I was.
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"When once I had pressed the frail shoulder, something new-a fresh sap and sense-stole into my frame.
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It was well I had learnt that this elf must return to me-that it belonged to my house down below-or I could not have felt it pass away from under my hand, and seen it vanish behind the dim hedge, without singular regret.
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I heard you come home that night, Jane, though probably you were not aware that I thought of you or watched for you.
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The next day I observed you-myself unseen-for half-an-hour, while you played with Adèle in the gallery.
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It was a snowy day, I recollect, and you could not go out of doors.
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I was in my room; the door was ajar: I could both listen and watch.
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Adèle claimed your outward attention for a while; yet I fancied your thoughts were elsewhere: but you were very patient with her, my little Jane; you talked to her and amused her a long time.
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When at last she left you, you lapsed at once into deep reverie: you betook yourself slowly to pace the gallery.
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Now and then, in passing a casement, you glanced out at the thick-falling snow; you listened to the sobbing wind, and again you paced gently on and dreamed.
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I think those day visions were not dark: there was a pleasurable illumination in your eye occasionally, a soft excitement in your aspect, which told of no bitter, bilious, hypochondriac brooding: your look revealed rather the sweet musings of youth when its spirit follows on willing wings the flight of Hope up and on to an ideal heaven.
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The voice of Mrs. Fairfax, speaking to a servant in the hall, wakened you: and how curiously you smiled to and at yourself, Janet! There was much sense in your smile: it was very shrewd, and seemed to make light of your own abstraction.
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It seemed to say-'My fine visions are all very well, but I must not forget they are absolutely unreal.
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I have a rosy sky and a green flowery Eden in my brain; but without, I am perfectly aware, lies at my feet a rough tract to travel, and around me gather black tempests to encounter.' You ran downstairs and demanded of Mrs. Fairfax some occupation: the weekly house accounts to make up, or something of that sort, I think it was.
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I was vexed with you for getting out of my sight.
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"Impatiently I waited for evening, when I might summon you to my presence.
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An unusual-to me-a perfectly new character I suspected was yours: I desired to search it deeper and know it better.
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You entered the room with a look and air at once shy and independent: you were quaintly dressed-much as you are now.
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I made you talk: ere long I found you full of strange contrasts.
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Your garb and manner were restricted by rule; your air was often diffident, and altogether that of one refined by nature, but absolutely unused to society, and a good deal afraid of making herself disadvantageously conspicuous by some solecism or blunder; yet when addressed, you lifted a keen, a daring, and a glowing eye to your interlocutor's face: there was penetration and power in each glance you gave; when plied by close questions, you found ready and round answers.
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Very soon you seemed to get used to me: I believe you felt the existence of sympathy between you and your grim and cross master, Jane; for it was astonishing to see how quickly a certain pleasant ease tranquillised your manner: snarl as I would, you showed no surprise, fear, annoyance, or displeasure at my moroseness; you watched me, and now and then smiled at me with a simple yet sagacious grace I cannot describe.
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I was at once content and stimulated with what I saw: I liked what I had seen, and wished to see more.
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Yet, for a long time, I treated you distantly, and sought your company rarely.
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I was an intellectual epicure, and wished to prolong the gratification of making this novel and piquant acquaintance: besides, I was for a while troubled with a haunting fear that if I handled the flower freely its bloom would fade-the sweet charm of freshness would leave it.
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I did not then know that it was no transitory blossom, but rather the radiant resemblance of one, cut in an indestructible gem.
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