"You say truly; but when found, it is right to stir them up-to urge and exhort them to the effort-to show them what their gifts are, and why they were given-to speak Heaven's message in their ear,-to offer them, direct from God, a place in the ranks of His chosen."
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"If they are really qualified for the task, will not their own hearts be the first to inform them of it?"
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I felt as if an awful charm was framing round and gathering over me: I trembled to hear some fatal word spoken which would at once declare and rivet the spell.
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"And what does your heart say?" demanded St. John.
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"My heart is mute,-my heart is mute," I answered, struck and thrilled.
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"Then I must speak for it," continued the deep, relentless voice. "Jane, come with me to India: come as my helpmeet and fellow-labourer."
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The glen and sky spun round: the hills heaved! It was as if I had heard a summons from Heaven-as if a visionary messenger, like him of Macedonia, had enounced, "Come over and help us!" But I was no apostle,-I could not behold the herald,-I could not receive his call.
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"Oh, St. John!" I cried, "have some mercy!"
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I appealed to one who, in the discharge of what he believed his duty, knew neither mercy nor remorse. He continued-
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"God and nature intended you for a missionary's wife. It is not personal, but mental endowments they have given you: you are formed for labour, not for love. A missionary's wife you must-shall be. You shall be mine: I claim you-not for my pleasure, but for my Sovereign's service."
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"I am not fit for it: I have no vocation," I said.
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He had calculated on these first objections: he was not irritated by them.
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Indeed, as he leaned back against the crag behind him, folded his arms on his chest, and fixed his countenance, I saw he was prepared for a long and trying opposition, and had taken in a stock of patience to last him to its close-resolved, however, that that close should be conquest for him.
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"Humility, Jane," said he, "is the groundwork of Christian virtues: you say right that you are not fit for the work.
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Who is fit for it? Or who, that ever was truly called, believed himself worthy of the summons? I, for instance, am but dust and ashes.
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With St. Paul, I acknowledge myself the chiefest of sinners; but I do not suffer this sense of my personal vileness to daunt me.
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I know my Leader: that He is just as well as mighty; and while He has chosen a feeble instrument to perform a great task, He will, from the boundless stores of His providence, supply the inadequacy of the means to the end.
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Think like me, Jane-trust like me.
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It is the Rock of Ages I ask you to lean on: do not doubt but it will bear the weight of your human weakness."
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"I do not understand a missionary life: I have never studied missionary labours."
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"There I, humble as I am, can give you the aid you want: I can set you your task from hour to hour; stand by you always; help you from moment to moment. This I could do in the beginning: soon (for I know your powers) you would be as strong and apt as myself, and would not require my help."
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"But my powers-where are they for this undertaking? I do not feel them.
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Nothing speaks or stirs in me while you talk.
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I am sensible of no light kindling-no life quickening-no voice counselling or cheering.
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Oh, I wish I could make you see how much my mind is at this moment like a rayless dungeon, with one shrinking fear fettered in its depths-the fear of being persuaded by you to attempt what I cannot accomplish!"
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