"Cruel, cruel deserter! Oh, Jane, what did I feel when I discovered you had fled from Thornfield, and when I could nowhere find you; and, after examining your apartment, ascertained that you had taken no money, nor anything which could serve as an equivalent! A pearl necklace I had given you lay untouched in its little casket; your trunks were left corded and locked as they had been prepared for the bridal tour.
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What could my darling do, I asked, left destitute and penniless? And what did she do? Let me hear now."
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Thus urged, I began the narrative of my experience for the last year. I softened considerably what related to the three days of wandering and starvation, because to have told him all would have been to inflict unnecessary pain: the little I did say lacerated his faithful heart deeper than I wished.
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I should not have left him thus, he said, without any means of making my way: I should have told him my intention.
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I should have confided in him: he would never have forced me to be his mistress.
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Violent as he had seemed in his despair, he, in truth, loved me far too well and too tenderly to constitute himself my tyrant: he would have given me half his fortune, without demanding so much as a kiss in return, rather than I should have flung myself friendless on the wide world.
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I had endured, he was certain, more than I had confessed to him.
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"Well, whatever my sufferings had been, they were very short," I answered: and then I proceeded to tell him how I had been received at Moor House; how I had obtained the office of schoolmistress, &c.
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The accession of fortune, the discovery of my relations, followed in due order.
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Of course, St. John Rivers' name came in frequently in the progress of my tale.
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When I had done, that name was immediately taken up.
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"This St. John, then, is your cousin?"
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"You have spoken of him often: do you like him?"
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"He was a very good man, sir; I could not help liking him."
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"A good man. Does that mean a respectable well-conducted man of fifty? Or what does it mean?"
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"St John was only twenty-nine, sir."
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"'Jeune encore,' as the French say. Is he a person of low stature, phlegmatic, and plain. A person whose goodness consists rather in his guiltlessness of vice, than in his prowess in virtue."
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"He is untiringly active. Great and exalted deeds are what he lives to perform."
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"But his brain? That is probably rather soft? He means well: but you shrug your shoulders to hear him talk?"
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"He talks little, sir: what he does say is ever to the point. His brain is first-rate, I should think not impressible, but vigorous."
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"Is he an able man, then?"
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"Truly able."
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"A thoroughly educated man?"
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"St. John is an accomplished and profound scholar."
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