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I redoubled my pace, and got home just at dinner-time.

My father was already sitting by my mother's chair, dressed for dinner, washed and fresh; he was reading an article from the Journal des Débats in his smooth musical voice; but my mother heard him without attention, and when she saw me, asked where I had been to all day long, and added that she didn't like this gadding about God knows where, and God knows in what company.

'But I have been walking alone,' I was on the point of replying, but I looked at my father, and for some reason or other held my peace.

For the next five or six days I hardly saw Zinaida; she said she was ill, which did not, however, prevent the usual visitors from calling at the lodge to pay – as they expressed it, their duty – all, that is, except Meidanov, who promptly grew dejected and sulky when he had not an opportunity of being enthusiastic.

Byelovzorov sat sullen and red-faced in a corner, buttoned up to the throat; on the refined face of Malevsky there flickered continually an evil smile; he had really fallen into disfavour with Zinaida, and waited with special assiduity on the old princess, and even went with her in a hired coach to call on the Governor-General.

This expedition turned out unsuccessful, however, and even led to an unpleasant experience for Malevsky; he was reminded of some scandal to do with certain officers of the engineers, and was forced in his explanations to plead his youth and inexperience at the time.

Lushin came twice a day, but did not stay long; I was rather afraid of him after our last unreserved conversation, and at the same time felt a genuine attraction to him.

He went a walk with me one day in the Neskutchny gardens, was very good-natured and nice, told me the names and properties of various plants and flowers, and suddenly, apropos of nothing at all, cried, hitting himself on his forehead, 'And I, poor fool, thought her a flirt! it's clear self-sacrifice is sweet for some people!'

'What do you mean by that?' I inquired.

'I don't mean to tell you anything,' Lushin replied abruptly.

Zinaida avoided me; my presence – I could not help noticing it – affected her disagreeably.

She involuntarily turned away from me ... involuntarily; that was what was so bitter, that was what crushed me! But there was no help for it, and I tried not to cross her path, and only to watch her from a distance, in which I was not always successful.

As before, something incomprehensible was happening to her; her face was different, she was different altogether.

I was specially struck by the change that had taken place in her one warm still evening.

I was sitting on a low garden bench under a spreading elderbush; I was fond of that nook; I could see from there the window of Zinaida's room.

I sat there; over my head a little bird was busily hopping about in the darkness of the leaves; a grey cat, stretching herself at full length, crept warily about the garden, and the first beetles were heavily droning in the air, which was still clear, though it was not light.

I sat and gazed at the window, and waited to see if it would open; it did open, and Zinaida appeared at it.

She had on a white dress, and she herself, her face, shoulders, and arms, were pale to whiteness.

She stayed a long while without moving, and looked out straight before her from under her knitted brows.

I had never known such a look on her.

Then she clasped her hands tightly, raised them to her lips, to her forehead, and suddenly pulling her fingers apart, she pushed back her hair behind her ears, tossed it, and with a sort of determination nodded her head, and slammed-to the window.

Three days later she met me in the garden. I was turning away, but she stopped me of herself.

'Give me your arm,' she said to me with her old affectionateness, 'it's a long while since we have had a talk together.'

I stole a look at her; her eyes were full of a soft light, and her face seemed as it were smiling through a mist.

Chapter XV

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